


Starting Over

by garbage_will_do



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: 5x13 spoilers, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pre-Slash to Slash, Presumed Dead, Season 5 Fix-It, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-26
Updated: 2013-01-10
Packaged: 2017-11-22 14:17:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/610728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garbage_will_do/pseuds/garbage_will_do
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I didn't like how it ended, so I wrote my own ending. Starts after the meeting with Morgana on the way to Avalon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hope in the Form of a Dragon

**Author's Note:**

> Will eventually be NC-17, but this chapter is only PG.

To say Arthur was surprised by this turn of events was an understatement. He remembered once, a long time ago, when Merlin had come into the council chambers claiming to be a sorceror in order to save Gwen's life. And he had said it was ridiculous. Other times came to mind about other people claiming his manservant had magic. And again said the idea was proposterous.

 

And yet... He had watched this man sob as he told him, once and for all, the he was actually a sorceror; and then gave him proof. He shouldn't have been surprised that Gaius knew, either. After all, Merlin lived with Gaius, and Merlin no doubt shared his secrets with the old man. Then Gaius said Merlin was supposed to be the greatest sorceror to ever live, and he couldn't help but scoff at the notion. _Merlin? The greatest sorceror to ever live?_ But Gaius seemed very serious, so he put it from his mind as something to think about later.

 

In the meantime, Arthur kept a close eye on Merlin. He watched and waited for him to turn on him as all magic users tended to do. But it never happened. Merlin continued to act as he always had. He kept Arthur fed and watered, he let Arthur rest when he needed to, he was always checking on the wound that was slowly killing him, and when Arthur had a question he answered it honestly. The answers confused him until he reallised that this was still the Merlin he knew - the idiot that was sometimes wise. Though he supposed he was seeing more of the wise Merlin now more than ever. He had created a false trail for the Saxons to follow, and had killed the two Saxons when they realised he lied about who they were. All the while, taking care of his king and helping him survive the trip to the Lake of Avalon.

 

Now that Morgana was dead and there was finally peace, though, Merlin seemed to become more desparate as Arthur's time was running out.

 

"Merlin, we won't make it without the horses."

 

Merlin turned from his frantic pacing at the sound of Arthur's resigned voice. His hair was sticking up from running his hands through it. " _No_. No, you don't get to give up, Arthur. Don't you _dare_ give up now."

 

Arhtur sighed. "Merlin. It's okay."

 

"No, it's not!" he shouted back. Arhtur saw a brief golden glow in Merlin's blue eyes, and thunder rolled in the distance. When the glow disappeared he saw unshed tears in those blue eyes. "I have worked _too hard_ to let you die now. I have lost... _so many_ people. People I knew: that I was friends with, that I loved; people I barely knew or had never even met." The eyes turned hard and he could see the determination. "I will _not_ lose you, Arthur. I just won't."

 

It was then that the king finally saw his manservant for the first time, the man he had called friend so many times. He saw the weight he carried on his shoulders, so carefully hidden from the world, and all the pain he had suffered. Arthur suddenly had a sickening realization that he couldn't remember the last time Merlin had smiled a real, unguarded, happy smile.

 

"Merlin, I'm sorry."

 

That deflated the warlock a bit, but the determination was still there. "You can't die now. We're not finished building Albion yet. I still have so much to tell you about. Things I want to say..."

 

"Like what?"

 

"About Will, and how he wasn't really a sorceror. About Freya, and my father -" A look passed over his face. "Oh, I'm an _idiot_."

 

Arthur was confused at that. Merlin had always protested at being called an idiot. "I have always told you as much. Surprised it took you so long to realize."

 

"No, you don't understand," Merlin said crouching down in front of the king. Arthur's breath caught at the hope that shown from his friend's face. "Arthur, my father was a Dragonlord. Remember Balinor?"

 

" _Balinor_? He was your father?" Everything that happened suddenly made sense. The way Merlin had been brooding the entire journey to the cave, and why he had been so upset when the man had died suddenly.

 

"I didn't know until right before we left. Gaius told me."

 

"Merlin... I am so sorry."

 

The warlock ducked and shook his head. "It doesn't matter now. But a Dragonlord's powers are passed from father to son. When he died, I inherited his powers." Merlin seeemed to suddenly see how pale Arthur was getting and moved to support him even as he pulled him to his feet. "We need to get to a clearing."

 

Arthur groaned at being manhandled. "Merlin," he panted, "what _are_ you going on about?"

 

"You'll see."

***

The clearing was only a few minutes away, and Merlin was glad to see a large rock he could prop Arthur up against while he called Kilgarrah. Arhtur shot him a worried look when he started moving away. "It's okay, Arthur. You'll be okay, soon. Don't go anywhere, yeah?" He didn't wait for an answer before turning away.

 

" _O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes!_ "

 

When he turned back, Arthur was looking at him with a stunned expression, and he smiled sheepishly at him. He walked the short distance and sat beside his friend to wait. "He's on his way."

 

Arthur frowned. "Who?"

 

"The Great Dragon. Or- Well, his name is KIlgharrah, actually."

 

"The Great Dragon? The same dragon that attacked Camelot and that you said I had killed?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Merlin -", he started, but was cut off by the sound of wings flapping and traveling closer.

 

Merlin immediately stood to greet the massive beast as it touched down in the clearing. Then it bowed low to Merlin in a sign of respect to the Dragonlord. "You called me, young warlock."

 

"I need one last favor, Kilgharrah. Arthur was wounded in the battle with a sword forged in a dragon's breath. I'm taking him to the island in the Lake of Avalon to ask the Sidhe to heal him. But on foot we will never make it. Can you take us there?"

 

Merlin could feel Kilgharrah's wise gaze sweep over the both of them. "The Sidhe do indeed possess the power to heal him, but you must be wary, Merlin. For if it is the young Pedragon's time to leave this plane, then there may be nothing they can do."

 

"I have to _try_! I- I love him. _I can't lose him, Kilgharrah_."

 

"Very well, young warlock. I will take you. But may I remind you once more, that I am not a horse."


	2. The Lady of the Lake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boys kissing and cuddling. And angst! Lots of angst!

Once Kilgharrah touched down on the shores of the lake, Merlin went about helping Athur down from the dragon's neck and into a boat that would take them to the isle. Kilgharrah bowed his his head once more to both Merlin and his king, as he said, "Good luck to you both." Then he left with a great flapping of wings.

 

Arthur studied Merlin as he helped him into boat, letting him sit in the bottom of it and propped against the side so he was in no danger of falling out and into the lake. The king had a lot to think about regarding Merlin. He felt like with every revelation that he knew the younger man less and less, but also knew that Merlin was his best friend, and he knew him better than anyone else - besides Gaius - in Camelot. Merlin was right: he _was_ still the same person he always was. Certain things began to make sense now that he knew the truth. Every time a branch conveniently fell on attackers and lucky escapes on quests. Merlin's upset at magic users - innocent or not - being executed by Uther. Knowing Balinor had been his father made Merlin's behavior around him make sense, and he was surprised he hadn't realized sooner.

 

But now he had something else to think on.

 

Despite the conversation between the warlock and dragon being about him, Merlin had seemed to forget that Arthur could hear him from where he had been propped against the rock, and he had heard everything that was said. What should have stood out was the dragon's doubt of his survival, but instead it was the heartache of hearing Merlin beg for a chance to save him... As he stuttered out, _"I love him."_

 

There had been something between them since they had met, but both men were able to ignore the pull, especially after Arthur began his romance with Gwen. And since his marriage to the queen, Merlin had slowly but surely withdrawn until he (mostly) acted the part of a proper servant.

 

A lurch brought Arthur from his musings as Merlin set the boat into motion using his magic. He looked on the man he called friend for almost a decade. There was a point when he had still been a prince, when his father had still been alive and Morgana wasn't plotting the downfall of Camelot, that he had considered starting something with his manservant. But fear of how his father and the court may react if they ever knew, and his uncertainty about Merlin's feelings towards him made him put the thoughts from his mind. There was also that fact that he hadn't been sure he would've been able to call off anything with Merlin once he was on the throne and expected to provide heirs. Even then he had feared getting in too deep (no pun intended).

 

But it was easier to forget about his attraction to Merlin when he started courting Guinevere. And although she hadn't been of noble birth, she had a heart and mind suitable for a future queen. Of course, that's not to say he didn't love her then and that he doesn't still love her, but his friendship with Merlin had always taken first priority unless he was feeling particularly romantic that week. However, looking at him now, and after hearing his confession, those feelings rose to the surface.

 

"Is it true?" he rasped, startling Merlin.

 

He frowned at his king, not understanding. "Is what true?"

 

"What you said... That you love me." Merlin's face flushed and spots of pink appeared on his high cheekbones. He coughed and ducked his head in embarrassment. Arthur's protective instinct flared and he had the urge to comfort Merlin. "Merlin, it's _okay_." The warlock's face had a disbelieving look on it. "Really, it is... I think I always knew you did." He was breathing heavily with the effort of speaking, but it wouldn't stop him from saying what needed to be said. "I love you, too."

 

Merlin's eyes widened, and he gaped at Arthur like a fish. "Y-you ... But, what about Gwen?"

 

"I love her, there's no doubt about that. But... what I feel for you, Merlin..." Arthur leant his head against the side of the boat. "I don't know what it is, but with you I feel _whole_. Like you're my other half."

 

Merlin let out a sob then, and a tear rolled down his cheek because Arthur didn't even realize the significance of what he just said. All those years of listening to a crazy, old dragon tell him that their destinies were _entwined_ and that they were _two sides of the same coin_. He had no idea that Merlin had always felt complete around Arthur as well. And it was for these reasons that he couldn't let Arthur die. It was true that he was nothing without him, the same way Camelot was nothing without her king and he told him as much.

 

"Merlin," he whispered, "come here." Careful not to rock the boat very much, the warlock lowered himself to Arthur's level. Arthur raised a gloved hand to Merlin's cheek and wiped away the tears, then wrapped the hand around the nape of his neck to pull him closer. He could feel the younger man shiver at the feel of leather against his skin, but he didn't move away. Instead, they both leaned towards each other, and their lips met halfway. It was short and sweet and chaste, because Arthur didn't have the energy for anymore than that, but still was able to reflect everything they felt for one another. "I just wanted you to know, Merlin... I couldn't handle it if I died and you never knew how I really felt."

 

"You are _not_ going to die, Arthur!" he proclaimed through his sobbing. "You can't leave me like this."

 

Instead of arguing with the stubborn man, Arthur sighed as he put their foreheads together and whispered, "I hope not, Merlin. I hope not."

 

***

 

By the time the boat hit the shores of the island, both men had dried their tears, but still had reddened eyes from crying. Merlin climbed out first then moved to help Arthur out and onto the soft sand. However, he froze at the sound of a familiar voice behind him.

 

"Hello, Merlin." The voice sounded shy, and yet confident at the same time. Arthur looked past Merlin's tense shoulders to see a dark-haired girl in a flowing white dress, the hem drenched from letting it drag through the water along the shore, and she had algae growing in her hair. Her eyes flicked to Arthur and she smiled sweetly at him, before returning to Merlin as he slowly turned to face her.

 

" _Freya_ ," he whispered. Arthur could see from the set of his shoulders how tense he was, and the tone in his voice caused a prick of jealousy to bloom in his chest.

 

"They call me the Lady of the Lake, now." That sounded familiar to Arthur, as it was said that a fair lady guarded the Lake of Avalon. But it still explain how she and Merlin knew each other. "It's good to see you again, Merlin. And you have brought the Once and Future King with you."

 

The mention of Arthur seemed to make Merlin stand at attention. "He's injured, Freya. It's beyond my ability to heal him, but the Sidhe have the power. I want to appeal to them and ask for their help."

 

The woman, Freya, stepped closer to the pair with concern etched on her face. "The Sidhe are not trustful of most mortals, Merlin. And even if they grant your request, the process in healing a wound such as his is very complicated, and has no guarantee of working." By the time she finished speaking, she was standing before Merlin. She placed a hand on his cheek, and looked earnestly into his eyes. "And you do have the power, Merlin. You just lack the _knowledge_ on how to wield it. The Sidhe can give you the knowledge to help him, but the cost to you will be great. That amount of ancient power from the isle itself would burn out any other that tried it. But with your power, as Emrys, it won't kill you so much as only weakening you and putting you into a deep sleep.

 

"Are you prepared for those consequences, Merlin?" she asked as her hand dropped from his face.

 

Merlin nodded, and briefly turned to meet Arthur's gaze. "I would do anything if it meant he would live."

 

"Very well. I will get you an audience with the Sidhe Queen. She will be the one to help you." Freya looked once more at Arthur with a gaze that was anything but pitying. "The Once and Future King will be safe here until such a time. The magic of the island is holding his wound in stasis, so he will not worsen while you wait. Good luck to you both." She stepped forward to kiss Merlin on the cheek, before turning and walking back into the waters of Avalon.

***

"Who was she?" Arthur asked much later, after he had been helped from the boat and they sat side by side on the shore. He had seen the wrecked look on Merlin's face when he turned back around, and was surprised to see what looked like guilt in his eyes.

 

Merlin's voice was rough when he answered. "Freya."

 

"You mentioned her before. When you said there were things you wanted to tell me."

 

He watched as Merlin took a steadying breath before he started speaking. "She was the druid girl that escaped in Camelot. The one Halig brought to Uther for a reward." Arthur remembered that time. A girl escaped and at night a beast would attack the lower town, killing whoever it found. "She was cursed," he continued, "by a sorceress whose son she had killed in self-defense, to change into a beast at night and continue killing innocents. She tried appealing to the sorceress saying that she hadn't meant to kill her son, that he had attacked her, but she wouldn't listen...

 

"I saw her in the cage while Halig was in the tavern, and I couldn't help but think that if it weren't for my mum and Will and Gaius, then _I_ could have been the one in the cage. So I helped her escape, and I hid her in the catacombs under the city." Merlin looked up then, eyes glistening with tears. "I didn't know she was a Bastet, I _swear_! I thought she was just another magic user." Then quieter, "I was going to run away with her. We had a plan to go somewhere no one knew us, and we could be ourselves without fear of being discovered. But she tried to protect me by leaving without me..."

 

"What happened, Merlin?"

 

Merlin looked up again and said quietly, with no hint of accusation, "You know what happened."

 

And Arthur suddenly remembered cornering a girl before she turned into a winged panther. The beast had killed Halig, and then engaged the knights. Arthur remembered that he had been able to land a blow before it flew away injured. "I killed her, didn't I?" he asked just as quietly.

 

"It wasn't your fault, Arthur. You were just protecting your people. You couldn't have known."

 

"But you loved her, Merlin. And I killed her. How were you able not to hate me after that?"

 

"I could never hate you, Arthur. Even if you are a _prat_ most of the time," Merlin said with a smile. Arthur returned the shaky smile and pulled him closer so the warlock's head rested on his chest, then pressed a kiss into the top of the dark mop of hair. Merlin pulled back enough to look into Arthur's face. He searched his face and frowned at what he found. Arthur was about to ask what was wrong, but Merlin turned his attention to the wound in his chest. His eyes flared gold and his hand hovered over the wound. Arthur gasped at the feel of magic coursing into his body through the contact. When his eyes returned to blue, he pulled completely away. "You need to rest Arthur. You may not be getting any worse, but it doesn't mean you're able to expend a lot of energy. Sleep now; it may be a while before we get a response from the Sidhe."

 

The king studied the warlock. There were bags under his eyes, and he doubted very much that the man had been sleeping during the travel to Avalon. "What about you? She said healing me will weaken you. You should rest as well."

 

"I need to watch over you."

 

"Merlin, I'm safe here, right?" At his nod, he continued, "Then _sleep_. Lay here with me. I'll still be here when you wake up, I promise."

 

Merlin allowed Arthur to pull him back against the sand, a rolled up blanket acting as a pillow. Arthur smiled as the younger man's weight settled against his side, his arm thrown across his waist and hand protectively lay over the the bloody gap in the chainmail. The last thing Arthur remembered before he drifted off was Merlin's voice saying. "I _do_ love you, Arthur. More than anything."


	3. Healing Arthur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is looking to be about 5 or 6 chapters, which I will hopefully finish before the new semester starts up at my city college. Once I go back to school I'm afraid I won't have much time for writing or posting except on weekends.  
> The spell Merlin uses is from The Crystal Cave, when he heals Morgana. For all intensive purposes, let's assume he's never used it before. ;)  
> Enjoy the update!

_He knew he was dreaming. It was the same vision, shown to him by a dying prophet. He screamed at Arthur to run, to get away from Mordred. Yet knew Arthur couldn't hear him. He wanted to use his magic to knock Mordred back, to take his sword and kill him before he reached the king. But it had no effect. He screamed as their blades met, and gasped as Mordred's sword slid through Arthur's chainmail. He felt as if he was the one that had been stabbed. And no matter how he tried, he couldn't get to Arthur to check on him or to try and heal him. He was going to die. He-_

 

Merlin woke at the feeling of hands shaking him and Arthur's voice calling his name. When he opened his eyes, it had gotten dark and Arthur's face was a blur which made him realize he was crying. Hands caressed his cheeks and thumbs wiped away the tears, Arthur speaking lowly in an effort to calm him.

 

"I'm here, Merlin. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." Arthur pulled back, and forced Merlin to look at him. "See? I'm right here." He pulled Merlin back into his arms, ignoring the slight twinge of pain in his side, and kept him there until the sobs subsided and the tears dried.

 

"Hey," Arthur whispered. "What's wrong?"

 

Merlin let out a shuddering breath. "I knew this would happen. I knew he would kill you, and I couldn't stop it."

 

"Hey, I'm not dead yet." That didn't seem to comfort him though, so he asked. "How did you know, Merlin? How did you know what would happen?"

 

"Kilgharrah told me the first time we met him. When Mordred was a little boy, he told me not to save him from Uther. He said that he was destined to kill you and keep you from completing your destiny."

 

"That's why you were late. You were going to let him get caught."

 

Merlin nodded. "But I couldn't. He hadn't done anything yet. He was innocent. And I could hear him in my mind, begging me to help.

 

"Then, on the the way to Ismere, in the village that had been destroyed, there was a druid prophet. He showed me a vision of you dying at somone's hand on a bloody battlefield right before he died. I didn't realize who it was until we saw him again... I should have killed him on the spot."

 

"That's why you were crying. It wasn't because he was dead, but because you had just watched me die."

 

"And you just walked into the cave without a clue."

 

"That's why you were so quiet the rest of the journey... and you kept saying I should go back to Camelot, saying I wasn't safe. When we escaped you said I should have killed him when I had the chance."

 

Merlin sniffed and looked at him with a watery smile. "You should listen to me more often. Could have saved everyone a lot of trouble." He swallowed the lump in his throat, and continued, "When you asked the Disir to heal him, and they demanded you accept the Old Religion, it was so hard not to tell you. About... everything. I thought if you accepted magic, they would do as you ask, and Mordred would live to kill you sometime in the future. But if you didn't accept magic, he would die and you would be safe. But then you wouldn't be fulfilling you destiny to bring magic back to the land. I wanted to tell you about my magic then, too... And then of course it had been a test, so instead of protecting you, it kept you in danger."

 

"Stop blaming yourself for past mistakes. You have a chance to fix them now, Merlin. As long as I still breathe, you still protect me, you can still save me. Don't give up hope, Merlin. I'm here now, and that's all that matters." Arthur pulled the warlock in again to capture his lips. This kiss was rougher than the first, fueled by desperation. Merlin's hand came up to Arthur's hair, and his fingers twisted into the golden locks as he pressed closer.

 

Arthur then broke away with a hiss, his side protesting, and was panting from lack of air. "Sorry, sorry. I'm sorry," Merlin breathed. He backed off a bit so he wasn't so much on top of Arthur. "Sorry."

 

Arthur huffed a laugh, "Merlin, it's okay. I'm okay." His hand traveled along Merlin's side until finally resting on his hip. he leaned froward again to press a softer kiss to Merlin's lips, loving the feeling of his eyelashes as they fluttered against his cheek. When they pulled apart this time, Merlin was smiling.

 

The warlock seemed to finally take in his surroundings, then. Several hours had passed since they went to sleep, and the sun was settting over the lake. Merlin looked all around them for more changes, then remembered the stab wound in Arthur's chest. Once again, tendrils of magic tentatively explored the wound. Arthur placed a hand over Merlin's to stop him, already knowing what he would find. "There's been no change, Merlin."

 

"I know. I just -"

 

"I know, Merlin. I understand."

***

Both men were startled when Freya's voice rang out. "Merlin, the Sidhe Queen has agreed to help you heal Arthur." The Lady of the Lake was stepping from the waters of Avalon once more, this time followed by another, even more beautiful woman. The train of her silver and gold gown dragged behind her as she emerged and stopped before the two men.

 

Merlin was quick to scramble to his feet, then bow lowly before the queen. "Your Majesty."

 

The queen smiled as if embarrassed. Arthur thought with the confidence and power radiating off her that it looked slightly out of place. Her skin was as pale as a full moon, and contrasted well with her auburn hair and emerald eyes. She would have looked human if not for her pointed ears and the set of wings at her back.

 

"Please," she said, touching Merlin's shoulders and forcing him to straighten up, "Emrys bows before no one; _especially_ not me."

 

Merlin looked taken aback, but recovered quickly. "I bow before my king, My Lady," at this he inclined his head toward Arthur's form, "and those I deem worthy of respect."

 

"Be that as it may, I do not feel I have done anything as yet to earn either of your respect. I know that your previous experiences with the Sidhe have not been overly pleasant; as with the banished Ulfric and Sofia, as well as the changeling, Elena."

 

At this Arthur definitely took notice. "Wait. Sophia and Elena are Sidhe? When did _that_ happen?"

 

The Sidhe Queen looked between Merlin and Arthur briefly before asking, "You have not told him, Emrys?"

 

"There hasn't really been a chance to. He only recently learned of my powers." The queen nodded once in understanding, and Merlin turned to Arthur. "Ulfric and Sophia were banished to live mortal lives because Ulfric murdered another Sidhe. Sophia enchanted you to fall in love with her and was going to sacrifice your soul to gain entrance back to Avalon.

 

"Elena didn't know she was a changeling. When she was a baby, they gave her the soul of a Sidhe and planned on you marrying her to get magic on the throne. The fact she was a changeling was what made her so clumsy."

 

"So you didn't _really_ knock me out with a piece of wood?"

 

Merlin looked confused for moment. "No. I pulled you out of the lake while you were wearing _full armor_." The king looked gobsmacked and Merlin allowed himself a slight smirk. "I will tell you the full story - about _everything_ \- once you are well again."

 

"Indeed," said the queen. "At the heart of this isle is a stone table. All the power of Avalon courses through it like blood pumped by your body's heart. We will take the Once and Future King there, and make him whole again."

 

"Thank you, My Lady."

 

***

The trek to the heart of the island was difficult, but thankfully short. When the group of four arrived at the base of the stone monolith, Merlin was surprised to see an altar like the one he had seen on the Isle of Blessed during his dealings with Nimueh, and said as much.

 

The Sidhe Queen looked surprised at this, then explained, "There are _many_ of these altars in places of great power throughout Albion. Some have been forgotten, and others crumbled from lack of care after the Great Purge. This one and the one on the Isle of the Blessed are just two that have survived the test of time." She ushered Merlin - who supported Arthur - forward. "Lay your king on the table, Emrys, and I will give you the knowledge you need."

 

As Merlin moved to do so, she began explaining. "The spell is long and complicated, and requires a large amount of power and energy. You will need to draw on the power around you and direct it. It will drain you of your energy, but you will not feel it's effects until you have crossed back to the shores." Merlin nodded. He had assumed as much when Freya had warned him before. "You will go into a deep sleep, and cannot leave the shores for at least five full days while you regain your energy," she continued. "The power of Avalon can keep you both safe during that time. But know that if you try to leave too early, you could die."

 

Arthur looked up from his position on the table to Merlin with a panicked expression. His hand shot out to grip the warlock's forearm. " _Merlin_..."

 

Merlin turned to him and used his free arm to run a hand through Arthur's blonde hair, then slid his arm from Arthur's grip so he could lace their fingers together. "It's okay, Arthur. I'll be fine."

 

"Arthur looked him up and down before finally saying, "Don't do anything _stupid_."

 

Merlin chuckled lightly and gave him a cheeky grin. " _Me_?" When Arthur still looked worried, he bent over him to kiss him reassuringly. "I'll be fine."

 

"Come, Emrys." Merlin turned away as Arthur released him and stood before the Sidhe Queen. The queen raised her hand and lightly brushed her fingertips across his forehead. Merlin's eyes fluttered closed, then snapped open as he gasped and staggered back.

 

Once his breathing calmed he looked back to the queen with golden eyes and whispered, " _Thank you_."

 

His eyes stayed golden as Merlin turned back to Arthur and placed a hand on his chest, the king's armor dissolving until he was left only in his white - bloodstained - shift, his trousers, and his boots. Then he snaked his hand beneath the shift and placed it over the wound. Arthur gasped at the warmth of his fingers and could already feel the wound begin to heal. Merlin took a feep breath then shouted, _"Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare mid þam sundorcræftas þære ealdaþ æ!"_

 

The pain of the fragment or steel being ripped out of hie chest and his skin and muscle knitting itself back together, and Merlin's eyes returning to the blue he'd come to love was the last thing Arthur remembered before the darkness overtook him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mua ha ha! I wrote a cliffhanger! I apologize for it though. Will post the next chapter soon.


	4. Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to get updated. This chapter was difficult to write for me, and I wanted it to be at least slightly perfect. It's a bit longer, too, because I put a lot of STUFF in it.  
> This chapter also contains m/m sex scene, and it's my first time posting a sex scene so I hope it isn't terribly cheesy.  
> Enjoy!

Arthur woke with gasp and realised he was no longer on the stone table. Blades of grass poked up inbetween his fingers, and petals of flowers brushed against his cheek in a light breeze. He knew he had only been asleep for a few hours because the moon was at its peak, whereas when he was healed it had just started getting dark.

 

_When he was healed._

 

The king scrambled into a sitting position and looked down at where the wound had been. Gone was the bloodstain and cut, his tunic now a pristine white - cleaner than it had _ever_ been before. Gingerly, as if he thought maybe it was all a dream, he lifted the edge of the top up to expose unbroken skin. He stared in awe. There was no scar, no bruise, not even a blemish on his tanned skin. The only evidence that it had ever been there was the phantom ache in his chest. He ran his fingertips lightly over the skin, then lowered his tunic and looked around to figure out where he was.

 

Arthur saw the sand of the shoreline a few feet away, and across the lake was the clearing and forest they had left to reach the isle. but what had really caught Arthur's attention was Merlin.

 

The warlock was standing shirtless and waist deep in the water, one fish hanging from a hand by the gills and his head bent to look for more. The moonlight shone on his milky white skin and his raven hair looked blue from the reflections made by the lake, making him look ethereal. Suddenly, Merlin's free hand shot into the water, and came out with another fish similar to that which he was already holding. And while he was extremely skinny by Arthur's standards, it didn't mean he didn't have any muscles. Years of running around after the prince - and now king - doing chores and protecting him had made his manservant lean. Arthur had never seen a more beautiful sight. He couldn't help but ask himself why he'd chosen to ignore his feelings the younger man for so long.

 

The king continued to watch Merlin as he left the waters if the lake and returned to the shore. His trousers were soaked through, but seemed to dry as he walked barefoot on the sand. Arthur belatedly realised Merlin was using magic to dry his clothes. Merlin grinned when he noticed Arthur watching, and Arthur couldn't help but smile at the happiness shining on his face.

 

"You're awake," Merlin breathed. He set aside the fish - Arthur was ashamed he hadn't seen the fire burning steadily nearby - and knelt beside his king. "How are you feeling? Any pain?"

 

But Arthur was too distracted by the light of the flames flickering over Merlin's skin to answer the questions, though. He slowly raised his hand and traced the shadows made on Merlin's chest and arms, then up to his collarbone, before letting it cup the warlock's jaw, his thumb brushing over his cheek. Merlin shivered, and Arthur was sure it had nothing to do cold.

 

"Arthur?" he asked shakily.

 

"You're so beautiful, Merlin." Said man blushed furiously, and ducked his head to hide the reaction. But Arthur just forced him to look up again. "You really are."

 

Merlin cleared his throat. "Well, you're not so bad yourself... But compliments aren't going to get you out of answering my question. So, how are you feeling?"

 

Arthur smirked. "I'm fine." Merlin looked skeptical though so he added, "Really, _Mer_ lin. there's only the memory of pain, like an ache that's not really there."

 

Merlin seemed appeased by that answer, and smiled. "I'm glad. Are you hungry? I got some fish to cook for dinner." The king allowed his hand to finally fall from Merlin's face, but not before ducking in for a quick peck on the lips.

 

"Starving."

***

Later the two men lay together on the softest grass he had ever felt. Merlin had put his tunic back on, but Arthur couldn't stop thinking about the expanse of pale skin. It was so different from what he was used to with Gwen. She and Merlin were so different, and yet so very alike.

 

Where she was soft and curvy, he was sharp angles. Where she was dark-skinned, he was pale. Where her dark hair was styled into elegant curls that cascaded down her back, he had a black mop. And where she was obviously female, he was very male. But they still had the same wisdom. They were both kind-hearted and compassionate. It was no small wonder that both had stolen his heart. However, he couldn't help but wonder what would happen when they returned to Camelot.

 

Arthur loved Gwen, he really did. But he and Merlin had started something here, and he didn't want to go back to their roles of master and servant. He didn't want to ignore his feelings for the younger man anymore, but he also didn't want to alienate his queen. She had such an understanding nature that no doubt she would be okay with the relationship, yet still hurt that he had moved on.

 

"Stop thinking so loudly," a voice mumbled in his ear.

 

Arthur looked down where Merlin was curled into his chest. "How do you know I'm thinking?"

 

Merlin raised himself onto an elbow to look down at his king. "You always get this scowl when you're thinking or worrying about something." Merlin's eyes searched his face, and what he found made his eyebrows draw together. "What's wrong, Arthur?"

 

"What would you say if I suggested we not return to Camelot?"

 

"Arthur!" The warlock sat up completely to kneel at his side, and Arthur raised himself onto his elbows. "You're serious." It wasn't a question, but Arthur still nodded. "But what about the kingdom? And Gwen? Arthur, Camelot is nothing without you, and you can't just abandon it after we've finally defeated Morgana."

 

"Merlin, Camelot will still have me. Just not on the throne." The younger man opened his mouth to protest, and was cut off. "Please, Merlin, just listen." Merlin nodded and fell silent. "Gwen can take care of the kingdom. She's a wonderful queen, and the people love her, so I have no doubts she will rule fairly. But while I know she would try to understand what's between us, she would be hurt and think I didn't love her anymore. And I do love her, with all my heart. But with you..." Arthur trailed off and averted his eyes. At some point a hand had tangled itself into Merlin's shirt, so he released his grip and cupped the warlock's jaw as he looked back up to expressive azure eyes. "But with you, it's so much _more_. Like if I don't have you with me, my soul will be torn apart. Sometimes, I wonder if Gwen and Lancelot were supposed to be together so it could be you and me from the beginning."

 

He huffed a self-deprecating laugh. "That's why I don't want to go back, Merlin. I feel like we've wasted so much time already, and I don't want to waste more with royal protocol and the weight of a king's responsibilities. I want - need - to make up for lost time. I need you. More than anything else in my life."

 

"They would think you dead, Arthur. And you still have a destiny as king to fulfill."

 

"Oh, sod destiny. Besides bringing us together, what good has it ever done? If we followed destiny I would have died on that battlefield two days ago, and instead I'm alive. Because. Of. You." Merlin bowed his head to hide his embarrassment, but Arthur lifted it again. "Please, Merlin. I want a life I've chosen for myself. A life with you." He brought their lips together for a brief moment. "Please."

 

The warlock took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak, but found he couldn't. So, instead, he just nodded, and leant back in to kiss his king, because he couldn't never really deny him anything. If Arthur didn't return to Camelot, then neither would he. "I'll follow you anywhere and everywhere, Arthur. I'll never leave your side."

 

Arthur pulled Merlin back in to kiss him deeply, their mouths moving as if they had done this forever. Merlin immediately brought his hands up to grasp Arthur's head, fingertips playing with the short hairs at his nape. When a tongue probed at the seam of Merlin's mouth, he opened it to allow Arthur access. They both groaned at the contact, their tongues dueling for dominance until they were breathless.

 

"Gods, Merlin. I want you." Merlin's eyes got visibly dark in response and he attacked Arthur's lips once more. Arthur's one hand twisted into the raven hair, while the other arm wrapped about the younger man's waist and pulled him over himself. Once Merlin's body was pressed against him, he ran his hannds up and down the thinner body, tracing his spine and fitting his fingers in the spaces between Merlin's ribs. His fingers eventually found the edge of the tunic, pushing it up to feel the warm skin beneath it.

 

Merlin gasped into Arthur's mouth, breaking the kiss. Arthur trailed kisses along his jaw and down his neck. He encountered a problem however with the neckerchief in the way, and groaned. " _Merlin_." The man pushed himself up, but not off, to help remove the offending piece of cloth with fumbling fingers while Arthur continued his exploration. When it was finally gone, he also moved to remove his top, then layed back atop Arthur and lining up their bodies. He could feel Arthur's hardness pressing against his hip, and no doubt Arthur could also feel his.

 

Arthur's lips went back to kissing and sucking on Merlin's neck, marking him. His hands edged under Merlin's trousers, cupping his arse and rocking his hips up into him. Merlin moaned and buried his face in Arthur's neck, panting from the attention. His own hands only capable of tugging slightly at the tunic Arthur wore. "Arthur. _Please_ ," he whined. The king rolled them easily so he was on top, and stopped his ministrations only long enough to pull the white shift over his head. He rocked into Merlin over and over again, his thrusts slow and teasing. "Please, Arthur. Stop _teasing_. I need you. I... I need..."

 

"What do you need, Merlin? Tell me." His face nuzzled the raven's hair with a gentleness that hadn't been there since they started.

 

Merlin pulled Arthur down, tugging on his golden hair, and whispered into his ear, "I want you inside me."

 

"You sure?"

 

Merlin bucked up against him, his cock grinding against Arthur's hip. He smiled cheekily. "What do you think?"

 

Arthur moaned and buried his face in Merlin's neck. "We don't have anything. We-"

 

"Arthur," the younger man interrupted. He pulled the king's face up to meet his own. "I think you're forgetting something. I have magic. Technically, we don't need anything anyway..." His eyes flashed gold briefly, and suddenly there was nothing between them. Arthur moaned again at the feeling of their naked cocks brushing against each other.

 

" _Fuck_ , Merlin. Do I even want to know where our trousers are?"

 

"Not entirely sure, to be honest," he answered, grinning.

 

"And where did my armor go, Merlin?"

 

"Well, that I know is gone. It literally dissolved when I touched it." Merlin could see the question in his king's eyes before he asked. "Don't worry. I'm sure our trousers are somewhere nearby. We can find them later. But right now," he drawled, flipping them over, "we're busy." Merlin ducked in to kiss Arthur, barely giving him enough time to respond before moving on. He kissed along the tanned skin of Arthur's jaw, faint stubble scraping against his lips, and down his neck. He stopped briefly to suck on the other man's collarbone, drawing a whimper from his lips, then kissed further down his chest.

 

Arthur's hands had fallen to the ground and he ripped the grass under his fingers when Merlin laved his tongue over a nipple. There was a low chuckle from the warlock when he cursed under his breath. Merlin continued scraping his teeth over the little nub and soothiing with his tongue in turns. By the time he finished with both, Arthur was panting and flushed, his cock harder than it had ever been before. A hand unwillingly untangled itself from the grass underneath him, only to tangle into the locks of raven hair of the younger man. Arthur used the grip to pull him up and capture his lips. "You are such a tease."

 

Merlin grinned into the next kiss, his body rocking down into Arthur's, the slight sheen of sweat on their skin aiding the movement. Then he sat up, straddling Arthur's hips. He brought three fingers to his lips and sucked them in, licking around them until they were soaked with saliva, as Arthur looked on with unadulterated lust. Locking eyes with him, Merlin trailed the wet fingers back to his entrance, gasping when he pushed the first two in without any trouble. Arthur could hear the wet sounds of them moving in and out of the other man's arse. "Gods, Merlin. You are so gorgeous like this," he breathed, his hands roaming the pale body. He tweaked the pert nipples of his lover, rolling them between his fingers, then moving on to take him in hand. Merlin's hand stuttered as Arthur stroked the stiff flesh, then went back to his previous rhythm.

 

Arthur put his other hand behind the younger man, ghosting his fingers over the swell of his arse and down the crack until he felt the stretched rim of Merlin's entrance around Merlin's own fingers. He traced the rim and Merlin shuddered, his breath coming in gasps and whimpers. " _Arthur_ , please." Arthur answered his plea by letting a fingertip press in next to the slender fingers of his lover. "Yes, _fuck_ , Arthur."

 

Merlin used his free hand to stop Arthur from bringing him off too soon, holding his wrist until the movement on his cock halted. As he added the third finger into his hole, the other moved to Arthur's own dick. The head was purple with arousal and twitched at the slightest touch. Merlin whispered a spell to slick the hard flesh as he moved his hand over it. Arthur moaned at the contact and friction, nearly coming from the look of Merlin's face and lust-blown pupils. He watched as Merlin's fingers slipped from his arse and his hips rose above Arthur's own. He was about to guide Arthur's cock into himself when the king's control broke.

 

Arthur flipped them easily, and Merlin didn't even try to fight. The younger man's legs immediately wrapped around his waist, hips rising in a silent plea. The blonde bent down to kiss swollen lips softly even as he pressed the head of his cock to his lover's hole. Merlin bucked under him trying to force the king inside him. " _Arthur_." And with that last appeal, Arthur pressed inside.

 

And while Merlin adjusted to the sudden fullness, the only thing Arthur could think was: _Hot. Wet. Tight. So good._ He waited until Merlin bucked up again, pressing Arthur in until he was balls deep, to start slow thrusts. " _Yes_ , fuck. Gods, Arthur. So good."

 

Arthur couldn't help as his thrusts got faster and harder, encouraged by his lover's gasps and moans. "Merlin. So good. So tight. Love you. _Fuck_ , I love you so much." And that was all Merlin needed to come, without even being touched, in thick stripes across both their chests and stomaches, even as Arthur continued to move within him.

 

Merlin could feel how close his lover was because his hips stuttered through the clenching of the younger man's sensitive inner muscles. "Yes, Arthur. Come for me, Arthur. I love you. Come inside me, Arthur." Then there was the feeling of hot liquid filling his arse in spurts until Arthur finally collasped in exhaustion on top of him.

 

In the afterglow, Merlin stroked his fingers through Arthur's sweaty golden locks, while Arthur let his fingers wander over the pale chest his head rested on.

 

He lifted his head and leaned up to kiss his new lover softly, with all the feelings he could never express through words. His dick had softened to the point that it slipped out of Merlin's hole on its own. That was when he felt the stickiness between their bodies, and frowned. Merlin chuckled at his reaction and pulled him back when he tried to find something to clean them off with. "Here, let me." Merlin's eyes flashed that brilliant gold and the mess was gone, leaving behind only a faint tingle where the magic touched their skin.

 

"Merlin?" Arthur asked. When he got a contented hum in response, he continued, "What will you tell Gaius? About me?"

 

Merlin looked down at Arthur, pushing his blonde hair from his face. "The truth. I'll write him to explain, and let him decide what to tell everyone else. I'll have to go back to get my things eventually, but it can wait until we settle somewhere."

 

"I was thinking we could go to Ealdor. Stay with your mother for a little while. Then go somewhere no one knows us. Make a life for ourselves."

 

Merlin propped himself up on his elbows to look down at his king. "You really want to do this, then? We can't ever go back if we do this, Arthur. They'll think you're dead."

 

Arthur leaned up and pressed their lips firmly together. "Yes, Merlin. I want this every day for the rest of our lives. I want you in every way I can have you." Merlin's grin eclipsed the moon with its brightness. "But don't think that any of that will get you out of doing chores. You'll still need to polish my boots, keep my sword sharpened, launder my-"

 

"Arthur, shut up. Prat."

 

"But your prat."

 

"Always."

***

Arthur woke to the sun coming up over the horizon and Merlin shifting against his side. The fire was just embers now, but, despite being completely exposed, he wasn't cold. He suspected Merlin had something to do with that.

 

His fingers absently trailed along the younger man's spine as he thought of last night. The way they had moved together, the way they could anticipate what the other would do before it happened. It convinced him that he made the right choice. That he and Merlin were meant to be together.

 

There was a huff of breath against his shoulder, and his lover's sleepy voice. "You're thinking again."

 

Arthur chuckled, and kissed Merlin's forehead. "Good morning." Merlin's eyes opened then, the gorgeous blue of them something Arthur would never get tired of seeing.

 

The warlock eyed him suspiciously, and raised his head. "You've never liked mornings. What could you possibly be happy about?" He was met with a full-bodied laugh. "Alright. Where's Arthur, what have you done with him?"

 

The blonde raised himself onto his elbows, dislodging Merlin, and wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, idly playing with the soft hairs at his nape. He pulled the dark-haired man in to kiss him softly, and smiled. "I think... As long as I wake up with you by my side, I won't care that it's morning." Merlin grinned and dove back in kiss him again.

 

Before it could really go anywhere, there was a clearing of a throat and a female voice saying, "Sorry to interrupt, but..." Both men turned to face a very pink Freya, who was averting her eyes. However, it seemed she couldn't help glance back at them once more, and turned nearly scarlet when she saw they were watching her. Merlin glanced down at himself and Arthur, and quickly realized what was wrong. Both of their trousers flew over from somewhere nearby, and he shoved Arthur's at him, hoping he would get the hint.

 

A minute later, they were half dressed, and Merlin finally addressed the Lady of the Lake. "Sorry."

 

Freya still had pink high on her cheeks, but seemed to have gotten over most of her embarrassment. "No, it's okay. Um..." She shook herself from her thoughts, and started again. "It is time for you both to return to the world. But remember, Merlin, You will need to rest on the shores of the lake for five full days, and no less." She fixed him with a serious look and the warlock nodded solemnly. "Good. The boat is waiting for whenever you are ready."

 

"Thank you, Freya. For everything. And give the Queen my thanks as well."

 

Freya smiled, and stepped forward to embrace him. "Take care of him, Merlin. And when the time comes: bring Excaliber to me for safe keeping."

 

"I will."

 

She stepped back and turned to Arthur. "The same goes for you, too, Arthur Pendragon."

 

Arhtur smiled and bowed shallowly. "My Lady." Freya nodded to them both and returned to the waters she now called home.

***

To both their surprise, Percival met them on the edge of the lake. The knight's eyes widened when he recognized the king and his servant and rushed through the sand to meet the boat.

 

"My Lord," he breathed. "You're _alive_. Everyone was so worried when they couldn't find you, and then Gaius said you were injured and headed here. The others will be glad to see you well."

 

Arthur looked him over as they grasped arms. "Percival. Are you alone?" he asked confused. Percival was not one to just ride off on his own.

 

A look of sadness passed over his face. "Aye, my Lord. There was a traitor in Camelot. Gwaine told her you were headed in the opposite direction to throw off Morgana, and we traveled there to trap her, but it was hopeless. She tortured Gwaine until he told her where you were really going."

 

The implications of it all suddenly hit Merlin. "That's how she found us. Oh gods. Gwaine." He stumbled on the sand, but Arthur caught him before he could fall. "It's my fault," he whispered, clutching Athur's tunic.

 

"No, Merlin. It's mine," said Percival. "I shouldn't have let him go after Morgana. But I let vengence cloud my mind." And somehow the large man looked tiny in that moment, weighed down with guilt.

 

Merlin let go of Arthur and walked over to the knight, wrapping his arms around his neck and hugging him tightly. "I'm sorry, Percival." He let go but didn't move away. "Did he know?" Percival shook his head and a tear rolled down his cheek. Merlin hugged him again, and this time large hands wrapped around the thin waist.

 

"Sir Percival." Merlin turned as he released the knight at the voice. Freya was there again, but had not left the water. "Bring Sir Gwaine here, to be buried in the waters of Avalon. As a loyal knight of the Once and Future King should be." She was gone again before they could say anything.

***

Arthur was surprised to find out Percival had loved Gwaine as more than a brother in arms, and that he knew of Merlin's feelings towards himself. He was however less surprised that Merlin knew of Percival's feelings for Gwaine, as Merlin had become mates with nearly all the knights of the original Round Table. The only one that hid his affection ahad been Leon, and that was only because he already had protocol ingrained in his mind and habits were hard to break. As his one of his closest friends, Arthur had continually told him there was no need for titles during training or at the Round Table, but still he rarely called him 'Arthur'.

 

Merlin tired quickly after a half-hour or so. There was panic in his eyes when Arthur lay him down on Percival's cape on the sands of the lake. But the older man reassured him he would still be there when he woke. The warlock relaxed after that, and allowed himself to get his well-earned rest.

 

For the first day of Merlin's rest, Arthur spent his time watching Merlin like he was about to disappear, and conversing with his knight. He told Percival of everything that had happened since the end of the battle. How he woke to find Merlin and Gaius taking care of him, how Merlin was the old sorceror in disguise, and their journey to Avalon. How he and Merlin had finally found each other, how Merlin healed him using the powers of Avalon, and that neither were returning to Camelot. Percival was awed and saddened in turns by his tale, but didn't seem overly surprised that they weren't coming back.

 

Percival went hunting for a short while, and came back with a rabbit to show for it. They ate in comfortable silence, and when both had finished, Arthur joined Merlin's sleeping form on the shore, while Percival prefered to sleep by the fire.

 

On the second day, Percival left to recover Gwaine's body. He left Arthur his crossbow, so he could do his own hunting. He returned on the fourth, Gwaine's limp form in front of him in the saddle, and trailing Gwaine's horse. They put Gwaine in the boat in his full regalia, but put off sending it out until Merlin woke.

 

The warlock woke from his sleep just before sunset of the fifth day. His first acts were to kiss Arthur senseless, and eat an entire rabbit by himself. When he noticed Percival was still there, he looked towards the boat, and asked,

 

"Gwaine?"

 

"We wanted to wait for you," was the knight's reply.

 

Merlin led the way to the shore and waded into the water to look on his friend. He placed a hand on the cool forehead, and as a tear escaped his eyes, said, "Goodbye, old friend. And be at peace knowing that you did not fail your king." The boat left the shore on its own, and Merlin waded back to stand with Arthur and Percival to watch its progress. Arthur wrapped an arm around his shoulders from behind, and smiled faintly when the younger man leant into him. Merlin raised a hand whispering, " _Forbearnan_." when the boat reached the middle of the lake, and it promptly burst into flames.

***

Percival left the next morning with the promise that he would deliver Merlin's letter to Gaius. He left the extra horse, a bedroll, what little coin he had with him, his cape, and the crossbow with the other man as a parting gift.

 

Merlin smiled up at Arthur perched on the steed, and with alast look at the lake of Avalon, climbed up behind him.

 

"Ready?"

 

"Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Percival and Gwaine. :'(  
> Okay, so I didn't like how Percival just left Gwaine where he was and that Gwaine died thinking he'd failed. Not cool, Merlin writers. Not cool.  
> Final chapter will be up before the 28th, I can promise you that.  
> And as always, let me know what you thought.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like it, let me know. If you love it, let me know. If you hate it, let me know. Next chapter will be up soon.


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